This week in writing i have been writing a blockbuster script.My script is about 2 boys playing video games and then they went to play at the park. As they were leaving aliens came from the sky and tried to abduct them. The boys Jake and Jimmy found sticks and threw them at the aliens and tried ti run away. The aliens stopped them from getting away and Jake and Jimmy tried getting out another way. The aliens stopped them again so the boys yelled as loud as they could. Nobody could hear theme so they tried getting out different ways. They screamed one last time and finally people could hear them so the people saw what was happening and got guns and scared of the aliens
Hi Caleb
ReplyDeleteI like the level of detail you have added to your story, like when you say that the mums were drinking hot coffee while the boys were playing basketball. The story has developed well from the original planning, although I still think you should develop the resolution more. It feels like you have rushed to finish the story after spending a lot of time with great detail at the beginning. Perhaps you could edit your writing and expand on the resolution a bit.
- Mr Mitchell
Hi Mr Mitchell
ReplyDeleteI will edit the story a little bit more and re-publish it with the new edit in.